I rock.

I have finished my first quilt ever. It's for my newest niece, Brooklyn. She's over a month old now so it's a little late but...whatever. I'm a hero because I couldn't even sew before I made this. Seriously, I didn't know how to thread a sewing machine and I had to watch a bunch of Youtube videos to figure out how to slip-stitch. It looks awesome from a distance.

I took some pictures for you so that you could admire my mad skills.

Here is a picture of the front that Chris thought would be funny to ruin. Sniff.



Here is the front without any distractions:



Ahem, please note that I sewed her name into the border.



Here is the back:



It looks SO BEAUTIFUL from a distance. But when you get up close... heh heh, well it resembles Frankenstein stitches. I tried to take a picture of it but you can't see how tragic the back looks so well. I mean, I know this picture is not so flattering of my stitches, but I promise the real one is much worse.




Still, I am super proud. Hooray for me! I am awesome.

4:30 Christmas morning

My grandpa died a few weeks ago. I've been thinking about him a lot. It's about four-thirty Christmas morning and I can't sleep so I thought I would write a bit about him.

Except, not really about him. I was actually not around him for most of his life. I guess I'm not really qualified to tell you about him. I mean, I have some facts but as I lay in bed not sleeping I realized that the totality of what I know from first hand experience about my grandfather only reveals how much I don't know him. I don't mean to say he was a stranger to me--he wasn't. Not at all. But I know him best through my father's stories. It is strange to think that even though he has only been gone a little while he has been a legend to me since I was small. I guess this is what happens when families live far away from each other.

So please forgive me if I write about my Grandpa by telling you a story about myself that he liked. I told it to him at Tom's wedding a few years ago and he laughed so hard. He and my brother Matt are some of my favorite people to make laugh. It feels like a triumph. Anyway, I ended up telling that story about five times that weekend. Grandpa kept pulling people over and telling me to tell it to them too. So, I'm going to write it down now.

I was in college. I was in my third year I think. It was winter and I had an intense crush on this boy named James. I thought he was brilliant and poetic. We were friends and would sometimes walk home together. This happened more often than not when I casually waited outside his office until he finished work then "bumped" into him. Man, crushes are so embarrassing.

Anyway, since I lived on his way home sometimes he stopped by my house and had some dinner with me (turkey and cheese sandwiches dipped in barbecue sauce. I really liked this meal for about six months). Finally I got up the courage to invite him and his apartment of roommates over to my house to play some games and eat treats. He said yes.

I was thrilled. I felt like he had basically confessed his undying love for me by agreeing. That day was wonderful.

However, as the evening we had decided on approached I began to have doubts. What if he forgot? Should I call and remind him? What if he remembered but didn't want to come? What if he just said yes to avoid the angry retribution of a stalker? I grew more and more anxious.

About an hour before he and his roommates were to come over I was in despair. My roommates were primping in their rooms (boys were coming over!) but I listlessly moved around the house telling myself he wasn't coming and that I didn't really care. It was snowing and I just knew that if he had remembered and had been planning on coming, he probably wouldn't because of the snow.

Then, out of the blue, my mom called. I told her that I had invited the most awesome boy ever over and that he wasn't coming. That he was standing me up. She asked if he was already late and I said that no, he had about ten minutes to get there but I KNEW. She asked me for a history of our relationship so I told her (it didn't take long, stalker-crush relationships are remarkably easy to sum up).

"So anyway, Mom. That's it. And now he's not coming. And I'm so sad."

My mother's voice on the other end of the line was confident, "No, Anna. He is going to come. I am positive he's going to come. But you are at a very delicate part of your relationship right now. Do you really want this to go somewhere?"

"What well, yes I do, but..."

"Ok." She took a breath. "Then you have to do exactly what I say. Are you listening?"

"Yeah."

"Okay. Now do this exactly. As soon as he sits down, sit down right next to him. DON'T let some other girl take your spot. Then, at some point tonight, probably best if it's right after he tells a joke, you put your hand on his knee. And you squeeze it."

"What?"

"Anna, it's time for the knee squeeze."

"Mom, you want me to reach out and grab this guy's leg?"

"Yes. You've got to promise me you'll do this. It's the only way."

"Mom. You're crazy and he's not even coming so it doesn't even matter."

We hung up right after that and a couple minutes later there was a knock on the door. It was James and his roommates. I forgot all about my mother, I was so delighted and nervous I couldn't open the door at first. We spent the first little while in the kitchen standing around and eating cookies or something and then we went to the living room to play games.

I was worried about the lack of chairs/couch space so I sat down on the floor. James sat down right next to me. We started playing some game. I said something funny and James laughed and then...he put his hand on my knee and squeezed it.

I couldn't believe it. For a second I couldn't move. Then I looked at my knee and his hand. Finally I looked up and burst out laughing right in his face. It was loud. I believe there may have been a snort or two. He quickly removed his hand. There was an awkward silence as soon as my laughter was killed by my embarrassment.

Needless to say, nothing further happened with James. If there had been something, I effectively killed it that night with my insensitive response to the romantically loaded knee squeeze.

(To be fair, although it makes for a less dramatic story, it was also effectively killed a few days later when James dreamily told me that he liked to describe his eyes as "blue with flecks of gold." Who says that?)

That story cracked up my Grandpa. Every time I saw him after that he would bring it up. It might be casually asking me if I saw anyone in the room I thought worth a knee-squeeze. After I married Chris he asked if I had finally gotten the knee squeeze timing right (answer: yes).

I love my Grandpa. I wish I had visited him before he died. I don't mean once he got sick. I mean earlier. I wish I had visited him before there were big and heavy things going on.

Let's see if I can sleep now.

NABLOPOMONOMORE!!!!!

Oh hooray! I won't have to post every day anymore. This stopped being fun when Thanksgiving happened.

So, what to tell you today...

Okay. Here is another bragalog.

I had a lot of cavities as a little kid (this is not the bragalog part). I just didn't brush my teeth. That's all there is to it.

However, when I went to go get them filled I freaked out because I was so terrified of needles (note: I am not longer afraid of needles. I am so blase about needles.) We were living in Honduras so I couldn't have been more than nine years old at the time.

I was crying and trembling and so insistent that the dentist could give me fillings without Novocaine that finally, in frustration, he said ok. He said when it hurt too much for me to stand then I should tell him and he would give me the Novocaine.

But I was one stubborn and frightened kid. It hurt so much but I was convinced that a shot would hurt more so I got my fillings without Novocaine. I don't remember how many, but it was more than one. I do remember holding my mouth open and having so many tears running down my cheeks that my shirt collar was soaked. Afterward, the dentist looked as traumatized as me.

Years later I had to get another filling, and I got Novocaine. Man, I was a dumb kid sometimes. Still, that is pretty hard core. This may also be a lesson on why you shouldn't go to a dentist in a third world country.

A baby a baby!!!!!!

My littlest brother Joe is a dad! His daughter who, last time I heard, is going to be named Brooklyn Charmaine, was born today, November 29th. She's early but healthy and she and Stephanie are doing ok.

Hooray for early Christmas presents!

Also, I did a guest blog on Chris's blog here.

I am a guest blogger today you guys!

This is Chris. Anna asked if I would do a blog for her today, so naturally I said no because I didn't want to have to think of anything to write. That was about 3 hours ago. I read a magazine, ate an orange, and walked to the grocery store to buy some shrimp in the meantime. About 8 minutes ago I told Anna that I changed my mind and would write a post for her. This was mostly because I thought of some ideas to write about,so it wont be an inconvenience to me anymore.
I am a fair-weather do-gooder.
I will now tell the story about how I came to be a bionic wonder. I am a superior human specimen now than when I was born.

1) I got braces in 9th grade. I have large teeth and a relatively small mouth. My teeth got super crowded and twisted. Then, thanks to mega-sweet-NASA-metals, my grill was transmogrified into a proper modern masterpiece. Also, I have permanent gold retainers cemented onto the backs of my teeth. It is kind of cool to know I always have it, but it makes flossing a pain.

2) My eyes were zapped by lasers until I had eagle vision. My eyes were bad. I had 20/800 vision and had worn glasses since second grade. I never knew what it was like to enjoy a simple swim or ride a roller coaster that went upside down without taking huge risks. I have gone through a lot of pairs of glasses and have had to superglue every pair I have owned. Many of them more than once. Nothing is more embarrassing to be 13 years old and playing in the cultural hall in church in front of the Merry Misses and Mia Maids and have a lens plop out of your glasses and have to stop everyone to find in and click it back in the frame. Nothing, that is, except for when you have bifocals and everyone tells you that they are pretty sure your glasses are broken now and do you need to call your mom? That is pretty embarrassing.
So I was pretty excited (even if it was 12 years later) to go get myself LASIKed up. I sat in a dark office with those long thin strips of wood in vases for a while before a LASIK technician came in and told me what was going to happen. I was supposed to take lots of ibuprofen and some valium to calm my nerves before we went in, and then I should do the whole laser bit and go home and nap. They brought me the drugs and I swallowed them and waited for 10 minutes in the same dork office while the doctor got the machine ready. They piped some muzak into the office and I was in a comfy chair, but I definitely felt like I was not their usual sort of demographic. I was 1/3 of the age of most other patients in the eye surgical hospital, but it meant there were lots of magazines to read that I had never seen before.
They came and got me and brought me into the laser room. It looked like something out of a nuclear warship engine room; there were swingy and rolly bits everywhere. They had me lie down on a bed slab and velcroed my head still. The slab rotated at the feet to move my head from the incision machine to the corneal zapper (unfortunately not the official title).

NOTE: If you get queasy with stories about eyes, it gets pretty queasalicious for the next few paragraphs. Just a heads up.

I was supposed to look at this red dot and not blink while the people put a ring-like cup underneath my eyelids that surrounded the whole eye. This hooked on to a vacuum that sucked my eye about a centimeter out of the socket towards the laser that would cut the corneal flap. I am glad it was a laser and not a blade because I would have been considerably more scared. They sucked and cut the right eye first. There was a mechanical noise and I could feel my eye moving. Everything started going gray around the edges of my eye until I couldn't see anything. It wasn't black like when you close your eye, because I could sense light and dark. It was a very light gray. It felt like it does when you roll your eyes back hard into your head. It took about 10 seconds to make the cut, and they unsucked my eye and put some drops it because I wasn't supposed to blink. Then they put the ring on my other eye. This one was harder to get on because I kept flinching. They got it on and turned on the suction but when they started cutting, I could feel a small sharp pain like a pinch travel around my eye. It didn't hurt, so I didn't bother stopping them, but it was kind of freaky.
Then they took a thin metal tool and flipped back the flap on both eyes. THAT was weird. The surface of the eye is very smooth, but the surface of the cornea is pretty rough. Like frosted glass. Everything went blurry (blurrier even than my already glasses-less vision) and it looked like I was in a really thick but clear fog.
They rotated me to the zapper where they had to put on a different ring to keep me from blinking. The right eye was first- I had to stare at a green laser and not move or look at anything but the green laser for 8 seconds. If my eye shifted a bit (as is natural seeing as I was alive), the laser would track it and compensate. This is some sweet technology. It made a few hundred individual zaps to reshape my eye in seconds and I could tel immediately (even through the rough cornea) that Things were very sharp. My left eye, again, was not willing to open and It took 5 minutes to get the ring in. I suppose the valium hadn't fully kicked in by then. They zapped that eye too in a matter of seconds with no surprises. Then the replaced the flaps and told me to go sit in a waiting room. They said to not blink a lot because that could move the flaps, and recommended I close my eyes and rest. I was too excited though, so I only closed one eye and looked at stuff through the other. When Anna came to drive me home they made me wear those huge dork-tastic plastic sheet sunglasses to leave. I took them off but Anna made me promise to wear the until we got home. Anna was nice and went to the library while I was getting morphed and picked me up some old radio shows. I got home and tried to listen but finally the valium kicked in and I slept for 5 hours. Then Anna read my torts cases to me and I dictated my notes. It was fun to hang out with Anna, but it was the most horrible night of studying ever. It was so cool to have nice vision I rode my bike to school and my check up the next day. The procedure was terrifying and I was convinced that I would be blinded by high powered lasers, but it is really really cool to have 20/15 vision. And I can go outside in rain. And I can go inside a warm house from the cold and not get foggy. And I can jump in water any time I want. I haven't ridden a roller coaster upside down yet, but I am excited to.

So bionic.

Hygiene

I didn't take a shower today until 7:30 p.m. About 20 minutes later I dumped pizza on my lap. Still it was good pizza.

Sorry all you millions of faithful fans--I am so sleepy that the words on the screen are fuzzy.

Goodnight.

Happy Thanksgiving!

It is Thanksgiving so you can bet your buttons I am not going to write a long post. However, lists are easy so I will make one of the big events of the day:

1. We played Mafia and I was an awesome liar and tricked EVERYONE. HAHAHAHAHA!

2. The missionaries played Mafia with us, and then went home and then we found a pair of their shoes that they accidentally left here. ??? That was funny. I mean, they do just live across the hall, but isn’t it a little hard to leave your shoes at someone’s house?

3. We had seven pies. SEVEN PIES!!!! How absolutely awesome.

4. In between making multiple dishes, my mother in law spent the entire time doing dishes. That is an example of an excellent character. Speaking of which, my in laws are really fun. They are funny and helpful and so easy going. One interesting non important fact about them. They can easily and quickly fall asleep anywhere. It is impressive.

Okay. That’s enough.