I really did try to fix it. I read the whole manual. I pressed ALL THE BUTTONS on both remotes. But nothing worked. Who do you even go to for help with a broken-but-not-really tv?
I'll tell you who: The Catholic Church.
When we went to Gerda's (the kindergarten headmistress's) house I offhandedly mentioned my problem to her. She said she knew just the person who could help me-- her friend, a Catholic Priest. And today, they drove over together and after much hemming, hawing, and button pressing---fixed my television! That's right two people who have no reason to care about the electronics of my house got together and drove from Auerbach to my house to fix a silly problem. God is good. People are kind.
I can't tell you who was more delighted, me, Gerda or the priest. They were sincerely happy to serve me. So many smiles. I tried to pay him, but he of course refused, so I gave him a plate of pumpkin chocolate cookies, which maybe Germans hate.
And now I have a serious soft spot for the Catholic church. Seriously, other than my own, Catholicism is my favorite religion. Good people, those Catholics. Except for the Spanish Inquisition---but I think we all know that was unexpected...
(hahahahahaha I'm so funny)
Hooray for German television, the Catholic church, and especially, kind people.