Wednesday, November 27, 2013

Turkey email

I just wrote an incredibly awkward email to a German friend explaining why, even though I had said I would, I could not buy her a turkey.

When she asked this afternoon, I had told her I would immediately. I should talk more slowly to give myself time to feel if something is wrong or right before I agree to it.  The problem is, it's illegal to shop for non-eligible people at the commissary. There are custom/duty/tax laws that require this. But... it's illegal in a way that everyone ignores. In fact, the church breaks it on a regular basis out here, using commissary bought goods for all the activities. I have broken this law before by buying gifts for friends. I have not the slightest twinge in my conscience about those times. even now that I have carefully examined them again. BUT. This time when I said yes, I felt bad. Real bad. Bad in a way that cannot be ignored. So after trying to figure my way around it, I realized I was in a place I have been before, where I can either willfully ignore the Holy Ghost, or write an embarrassing email.

Out of sad experience I knew that a turkey was not worth ignoring the Holy Ghost so I wrote the email. Thank goodness for email so I didn't have to say that in person.

(FYI I think the reason the Holy Ghost pricked up his ears on this one was that I would not have bought her the turkey by myself--it was just an unrelated-to-me business request.)

Anyway, I feel awkward now, but not BAD.

I am not particularly adept at  revelation. However, there are a few things that I have learned however about my interaction with the divine (speaking for myself and not the church as a whole):

1. Revelation is sometimes portrayed of as something you have to be still and quiet to receive. It's something that requires a certain degree of open-ness,  preparation, or worthiness. This is true for me when I have questions I am trying to get answered like-- Is the church true? Should I marry Chris Lewis? What was the deal with Polygamy? However, this is never the case with the most common revelation I get which is,
"NO. YOU ARE DOING IT WRONG. CHANGE." Seriously there is no still small voice for me when God says no. I can't sweep this kind of revelation under the rug. I would like to know if this is true for anyone else.

As a parent this makes sense to me. As long as my kid is reasonably happy playing in the yard I am content to let her make her own choices and learn from them--I'll help her if she asks. But if she starts heading to the street I am going to start yelling. Not that there is yelling going on. It's more like an uncomfortable inky pressure that get's darker and heavier the longer it lasts. Good luck with that image.

Also, good luck keeping the commandments.


Kathy Haynie said...

I get this sinking feeling right below my sternum. It's a very physical reaction for me. And in the back of my neck - almost like the hairs on a dog? Most of the time, I think God leaves things up to us. Like a "Choose Your Own Adventure" book - there will be consequences either way, so use your best judgement and see what happens. But sometimes, there's this really clear feeling. Bam.

Jessi said...

Is it just me or does "a few things" generally mean more than one? Just asking.